Surrender

Feeling very weak and small,
but how much farther can I fall –
before this depression takes me out?
That it will, there is no doubt.

Alone I cannot find the will
to help myself, or ever still –
the noise that races through my mind,
I see so much it makes me blind.

Ask for help then bathe in shame.
Makes no sense but then again –
neither do my thoughts and fears.
Drowning on invisible tears…

My medication was drugs and booze,
but now with just too much to lose –
I cannot live back there again,
but need relief, an end of pain.

So I pick up the phone, a simple thing,
nearly hang up as I hear it ring…
Make the appointment where I will admit –
to the sordid hell in which I sit.

Today I surrender, can’t make it alone.
I give up – for it has grown –
to large to bear, to high to scale.
There are no bars but it is a jail.

My darkness is my enemy and friend,
I fear its loss, for if it ends –
what will remain, what will I be?
I guess I will just wait and see…

 
© 2015 Barry Veinotte