Introduction
Welcome to Inside Out!
Much of my life reads like a horror story. From a very young age I was the epitome of a problem child, experiencing things that, well, gave me a very unique life experience for a kid growing up in a small mining town in Labrador. Life pushed me to do things early and that included alcohol, drugs and of course, getting into trouble. I was very proud when, at the age of fifteen, I could state that I was the youngest inmate in Her Majesty’s Penitentiary. I wore that honor like a badge! That will give you an idea of how backwards I was.
To put it mildly, life was no walk in the park and I did my best to make sure that I failed at every turn, spending most of my younger years bouncing in and out of institutions and doing my best to destroy myself. Along the way from there to now, where I am a forty-five year old man who survived it all and “lived to tell the tale”, some interesting stories took shape. Some of them are depressing. Some of them are frightening. Some of them are truly sickening. But when I look back at them now I can touch them without going into a tail-spin. I can talk about them without my voice quivering. Hell, I can laugh about a lot of them, much to the confusion of some people who have listened to me tell them! “My God! That’s Horrible!” While I am laughing like I just told a really cool Ron White joke!
Sometimes I can forget that my stories can be a little out there to the normal folk, and they don’t get the humor in them at all.
Back to the point… Many years ago I decided I was going to write a book. My autobiography. I wrote letters requesting documents from government departments, institutions and wherever I could dig up information about my past. And I wrote. Then I hated what I had written and rewrote it. Then I walked away from the whole thing for quite a while due to frustration and lack of real progress, and a trip or two back to jail, before the bug hit me again and I wrote. Eventually I ended up with about five chapters that had been rewritten at least a dozen times, and I hated it. To me it read like a boring history book. “This happened and then this happened.” Soulless.
I showed it to my uncle once (big burly man with a beard to his belly and weighing in at about 310 pounds) who actually had tears rolling down his cheek while he was reading. This really threw me for a loop. I didn’t know what to say or how to react. Then he looked up at me and said “Barry, I had no idea you went through all of this.” What? I thought everyone knew? It really wasn’t that big of a deal. At least that was how I thought about it, but I was the one who had lived it and to me it was just my past. A past that still haunted me somewhat, and that I was very lucky to have ever survived, but still simply what life had been for me.
Everyone has a story, right?
So, since my undiagnosed ADHD and increasingly poor focus and memory have hampered my attempts at writing an actual book, I have decided that I wanted to tell some of these stories anyway, and in a less rigid and structured format. So here they will be written, on this site, to the best of my ability to remember them accurately. I will pull no punches and try to start at the beginning. However I do not intend to stick to a game plan or follow an stringent format. I plan to jump around so that you, dear reader (hi Mom!) and I myself do not get bored. More importantly, so that I do not get frustrated in trying to follow the rules and become overwhelmed by my poor memory and inability to put things in their proper order. I don’t want to draw inside the lines. I want to jump around something like the racing thoughts in my mind do. My memories are liquid – they ebb and flow uncontrollably and I can only grab glimpses of them as they briefly appear. And that is how I plan to write them.
The names you read may or may not be real. I will use my own judgement on that and at times will point out that I am using a person’s actual name. Some of them deserve it. I will not water down the things I have done or that were done to me. I will not write with malice, but with truth, while trying to keep a lighter tone throughout than many of the topics deserve.
If you are still with me, you may as well stick around and have a read. I will start at the beginning, as promised, but where we go after that is anyone’s guess.
Please go visit Google if you are under 18 or are easily offended by graphic, vulgar, violent or possibly offensive materials.
~ Stephen King
Inside Out Index
- The Beginning (Kinda)
- Problem Child
- Runaway
- Weed and Paranoia
- Dangerous Memories
- Drug of Choice: Alcohol
- Theft, Mushrooms and More Trouble
- Into the System
- The Group Home and Roy
- Lockup and Blanket Ropes
- Detention Center
- Escapes and Growing Rage
- Riot in Detention
- Her Majesty’s Penitentiary
- Drugs, Blood and Cell Time
- Unit 2
- Pills, Pills and Attitude
- He’s okay, just a little nuts
- Drug Reaction – Pretzelitice
- Broken
- Earning a Nickname: Slash
- Parole Denied
- East Wing Bottom
- Freedom: Into the Real World
- Trip to the Cabin
- Intermission: Visiting the Present
- Drink Into Madness
- Bad Trip
- Welcome to the Mental
- Easy Time in the Mental
- Kicked Out! (of the Mental)
Index
- The Beginning (Kinda)
- Problem Child
- Runaway
- Weed and Paranoia
- Dangerous Memories
- Drug of Choice: Alcohol
- Theft, Mushrooms and More Trouble
- Into the System
- The Group Home and Roy
- Lockup and Blanket Ropes
- Detention Center
- Escapes and Growing Rage
- Riot in Detention
- Her Majesty's Penitentiary
- Drugs, Blood and Cell Time
- Unit 2
- Pills, Pills and Attitude
- He's Okay, Just a Little Nuts
- Drug Reaction – Pretzilitice
- Broken
- Earning a Nickname: Slash
- Parole Denied
- East Wing Bottom
- Freedom: Into the Real World
- Trip to the Cabin
- Intermission: Visiting the Present
- Drink Into Madness
- Bad Trip
- Welcome to the Mental
- Easy Time in the Mental
- Kicked Out! (of the mental)
- Elephants, Butterflies and Defibrillators
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Congratations Barry! Maybe your story will reach somebody who is going through what you went through. Hopefully it will give them the courage to seek help. Unfortunately for you growing up in Wabush, I think a lot of people chose to ignore what was happening to you then rather then get in fight to help you.
I am truly glad to know you are writing your blog and I will look forward to reading it.
My heart breaks reading your reality. I pray this writing brings you peace and healing. It is very brave of you to share your experience.
Jo-Ann (Walsh) Murphy.
You know I am so proud of you! There is no doubt in my mind you will make a difference. :)
Barry, I am so glad that you are telling your story. I pray it heals you and helps someone who may find themselves in a similar situation. A lot of my greatest childhood memories are centred around you and your family! God Bless you and your family! Dana Warren (nee Baker)
Barry I am so proud that you decided to tell your story. To many keep silent. I always encouraged you to, I know many will be encouraged and may come forward. You had your youth destroyed by evil. I pray this brings you some peace and closure. I always knew there was a good person in there screaming for comfort and peace. You are one strong person. Hugs my friend.
I think the fact that this idea to write about it has been with you for years and never left is truly a sign that it was meant to be written and the universe will honour the writing of it. I think when we think of writing we immediately think book, big thick, well written, hard cover soft cover, many many pages book…and then we get overwhelmed by it all. I think your being led to tell your story and i think the blog idea is great, and not putting strictures around the telling such as in chronological order and so on is brilliant, because when creativity comes, or inspiration it seldom comes the way we have mandated we want it to come. As it comes to your mind, now that has flow and you will be fully in it at the time of writing and just that alone will give life to your writing. Let this be a time of releasing, healing, and not just yourself, something tells me this will be bigger than you think and is going to have a positive effect on many. Blessings..
I think your biography will help a lot of people know that it is ok to get things out and talk about them. You are a good man and many people will be touched and influenced by your writings. Take care my friend and God bless you.
Barry as i told you you need to write a book as you said you live through this and everyone has a book to write just most people do not know how to put it to words and you found the way to do it and if it reaches any one that is going down the same road and it helps turn them around then you my friend might be able to do just that by letting them know just what that road leads to and that the out come is a scary place to be .i know you have turn your self around and even at 45 you are ready to get this all out so the next 45 years will be a much better place to be, keep writing and spinning heads as you do mine and again i am so sorry you had to live that life and as part of your family i did not know what you went through reading about your past is like watching a horror movie omg but I need to see it to the end Hugs to you cuz
Hey there, just wanted to say I really enjoyed reading all of this – and I do mean all of this, I read every post on this page today. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sure it’s hard to write about this stuff, but I look forward to reading more when/if you do.
Thanks Dan! I have put off getting back to it for a long time now… but I keep getting nudged back towards it, so there will be more before long. Thanks for reading!